By Jessica | 22 March 2024 | 0 Comments
How To Choose A Safeword
Everyone understands that ensuring sexual activity is safe is crucial. However, sexual safety is not just a part of maintaining physical health; it's also a key factor in the pleasurable experience of sexual intimacy. Trust and communication often allow individuals to relax better during sexual intercourse. This is where the concept of a "safe word" becomes so prevalent, not only in the BDSM community but also for anyone interested in sexual experimentation.
So, what exactly is a safe word? Generally, a safe word is a word or phrase that you and your sexual partner agree upon to signal the cessation of ongoing activities. It is widely used in the BDSM community because these relationships often involve power dynamics that may blur traditional consent boundaries. In other words, expressing dislike for something doesn't necessarily mean you want it to stop.
Clinical psychologist and therapist Ness Cooper explains, "A safe word is an easily remembered method to let others know when you're withdrawing consent for a particular type of sexual play."
Developing its own set of terms and language within the kink and BDSM community makes sense. These specific vocabularies are very common within the community, especially in marginalized communities.
The importance of safe words lies in providing an effective means for individuals who have experienced trauma to express their unwillingness. Cooper points out that for these individuals, safe words offer a swift and effective way to express refusal, especially when past consent has been disregarded.
Before engaging in sexual activity, discussing the use of safe words with a new partner is crucial. First and foremost, it's important to clearly define what the safe word means to you: whether it signifies a complete halt to sexual activity or merely a pause in current activities for discussion.
Cooper emphasizes, "Take time to establish boundaries and understand that your boundaries with your partner may change over time, so be prepared to discuss them again in the future."
Choosing an appropriate safe word is crucial. You can choose different words for different partners or opt for a universally used word. Whichever way you choose, you may encounter some challenges. Of course, the word must be one you wouldn't typically use during sexual activity. However, choosing an overly unusual word may make it difficult to remember or even awkward to say.
Choosing a good safe word doesn't need to be overthought. Sexual safe words should be words you can easily remember and say immediately. Therefore, it's best to avoid overly complex, lengthy, or overly thought-out words, as these may be challenging to recall.
Cooper emphasizes, "Simple and easy to remember is always best." She also adds, "I've encountered individuals who use very long safe words, almost like encryption passwords, and sometimes these words can be misunderstood or difficult to say quickly when ending a scene."
A good starting point is to consider everyday items or things you can see around you, such as "book" or "plate." Choosing single-syllable words is also a good idea, as they are easy to say quickly. Concise, straightforward words are more likely to be accurately understood and acted upon in emergency situations.
Although the purpose of safe words is to end specific sexual experiences, most people will avoid choosing words that make them or their partners feel uncomfortable or evoke negative emotions. After all, using safe words shouldn't be associated with the entire sexual experience or a specific partner. Sometimes, you may simply need a break rather than dislike what's happening.
Cooper points out, "Perhaps the word is associated with a childhood cartoon character, a food you absolutely can't stand, the name of an ex, or something related to unpleasant memories; these are all valid reasons for hesitation towards a specific safe word."
Therefore, when choosing a safe word, ensure to avoid words that may disappoint or make you feel uncomfortable. Select a word that won't trigger unpleasant emotions or memories, ensuring that your sexual experience remains positive and enjoyable.
In addition to verbal safe words, many people decide to make a specific gesture or movement to indicate they want ongoing activities to stop, in case they forget the safe word or are unable to speak for some reason.
It's important that this non-verbal signal is something you wouldn't typically do during sexual intercourse to avoid confusion. For example, tapping fingers is a common "safe signal," or you may also agree upon squeezing your partner a certain number of times to indicate you want to stop.
This non-verbal safe signal can supplement verbal safe words, adding another way to communicate effectively during sexual intercourse. It allows you to express your desires quickly and directly without interrupting sexual activities, ensuring that your sexual experiences are always based on mutual respect and consent.
Choosing the most suitable safe word for you and your partner is essential for establishing an intimate bond. Through conversation, trust and commitment to sexual safety can be ensured without causing any discomfort or resentment.
As Cooper states, "People's chosen safe words are often closely linked to their personal experiences and emotions, which may differ from those of others." "Some may choose words that are very important or vibrant in their relationship because it enhances the intimate connection between them."
Therefore, selecting a safe word isn't just about ensuring safety and comfort during sexual activity; it's also about building a deeper emotional connection between you and your partner. This choice is personal and requires open, honest conversation with your partner, respecting each other's preferences and feelings.
More articles of interest to you：
A Step By Step Guide For Beginner To Try Bondage Games
How To Confront Sexual Kinks？
6 Best Nipple Clamps Of 2024
So, what exactly is a safe word? Generally, a safe word is a word or phrase that you and your sexual partner agree upon to signal the cessation of ongoing activities. It is widely used in the BDSM community because these relationships often involve power dynamics that may blur traditional consent boundaries. In other words, expressing dislike for something doesn't necessarily mean you want it to stop.
Clinical psychologist and therapist Ness Cooper explains, "A safe word is an easily remembered method to let others know when you're withdrawing consent for a particular type of sexual play."
Developing its own set of terms and language within the kink and BDSM community makes sense. These specific vocabularies are very common within the community, especially in marginalized communities.
Why Safe Words Are Necessary
The importance of safe words lies in providing an effective means for individuals who have experienced trauma to express their unwillingness. Cooper points out that for these individuals, safe words offer a swift and effective way to express refusal, especially when past consent has been disregarded.
Before engaging in sexual activity, discussing the use of safe words with a new partner is crucial. First and foremost, it's important to clearly define what the safe word means to you: whether it signifies a complete halt to sexual activity or merely a pause in current activities for discussion.
Cooper emphasizes, "Take time to establish boundaries and understand that your boundaries with your partner may change over time, so be prepared to discuss them again in the future."
How to Choose a Safe Word
Choosing an appropriate safe word is crucial. You can choose different words for different partners or opt for a universally used word. Whichever way you choose, you may encounter some challenges. Of course, the word must be one you wouldn't typically use during sexual activity. However, choosing an overly unusual word may make it difficult to remember or even awkward to say.
Selecting a Good Safe Word Doesn't Require Overthinking
Choosing a good safe word doesn't need to be overthought. Sexual safe words should be words you can easily remember and say immediately. Therefore, it's best to avoid overly complex, lengthy, or overly thought-out words, as these may be challenging to recall.
Cooper emphasizes, "Simple and easy to remember is always best." She also adds, "I've encountered individuals who use very long safe words, almost like encryption passwords, and sometimes these words can be misunderstood or difficult to say quickly when ending a scene."
A good starting point is to consider everyday items or things you can see around you, such as "book" or "plate." Choosing single-syllable words is also a good idea, as they are easy to say quickly. Concise, straightforward words are more likely to be accurately understood and acted upon in emergency situations.
Avoid Choosing Negative Safe Words
Although the purpose of safe words is to end specific sexual experiences, most people will avoid choosing words that make them or their partners feel uncomfortable or evoke negative emotions. After all, using safe words shouldn't be associated with the entire sexual experience or a specific partner. Sometimes, you may simply need a break rather than dislike what's happening.
Cooper points out, "Perhaps the word is associated with a childhood cartoon character, a food you absolutely can't stand, the name of an ex, or something related to unpleasant memories; these are all valid reasons for hesitation towards a specific safe word."
Therefore, when choosing a safe word, ensure to avoid words that may disappoint or make you feel uncomfortable. Select a word that won't trigger unpleasant emotions or memories, ensuring that your sexual experience remains positive and enjoyable.
Choosing Physical Safe Signals
In addition to verbal safe words, many people decide to make a specific gesture or movement to indicate they want ongoing activities to stop, in case they forget the safe word or are unable to speak for some reason.
It's important that this non-verbal signal is something you wouldn't typically do during sexual intercourse to avoid confusion. For example, tapping fingers is a common "safe signal," or you may also agree upon squeezing your partner a certain number of times to indicate you want to stop.
This non-verbal safe signal can supplement verbal safe words, adding another way to communicate effectively during sexual intercourse. It allows you to express your desires quickly and directly without interrupting sexual activities, ensuring that your sexual experiences are always based on mutual respect and consent.
conclusion
Choosing the most suitable safe word for you and your partner is essential for establishing an intimate bond. Through conversation, trust and commitment to sexual safety can be ensured without causing any discomfort or resentment.
As Cooper states, "People's chosen safe words are often closely linked to their personal experiences and emotions, which may differ from those of others." "Some may choose words that are very important or vibrant in their relationship because it enhances the intimate connection between them."
Therefore, selecting a safe word isn't just about ensuring safety and comfort during sexual activity; it's also about building a deeper emotional connection between you and your partner. This choice is personal and requires open, honest conversation with your partner, respecting each other's preferences and feelings.
More articles of interest to you：
A Step By Step Guide For Beginner To Try Bondage Games
How To Confront Sexual Kinks？
6 Best Nipple Clamps Of 2024
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