By Jessica | 07 December 2023 | 0 Comments
The Best Beginners Guide to BDSM and Kink in 2022
You might be wondering what is BDSM(abbreviation for bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism) when you read this blog? A lot of people think BDSM is a kinky activity, but it's not, after a closer look you'll see that it's one of the most interesting sexual activities, and while it's not suitable for everyone, it's indeed something that a lot of people are interested in. If you want to try it out but don't know how to get started, or if you're already an entry-level player, you can find some inspiration and advice in this guide. Have you ever heard of BDSM?
1. What is BDSM?
Bondage/discipline. Bondage is when someone is physically bound. Discipline refers to a set of rules and punishments, usually enforced by the dominant partner.
Submit/Dominate. A sub/dom game is a person, and the sub (or bottom) allows the dom (or top) to be basically responsible. This could be a deal you made for one night, or it could be a 24/7 arrangement (long term).
Sadism/masochism. Sadism is the pleasure of releasing pain. Masochism is the enjoyment of accepting pain. If you like both,all right, it's what we call sadomasochism.
2. Is BDSM healthy? -- 3 benefits from BDSM
Recently, researchers have also found that BDSM practitioners are healthier than "vanilla" people. details as follows:
Improve mental health
The researchers looked at the personality traits, relational attachment styles, and general well-being of individuals engaged in BDSM. Contrary to many popular stereotypes, people who practice BDSM:
• Feeling more secure and happy in intimate relationships
• be more serious about others
• more outgoing
• More willing to try new experiences
• reduced anxiety
• Not very sensitive to the opinions of others
Reduce stress
Research shows that BDSM participants enter an altered level of consciousness, similar to a yoga practitioner's meditative state or a marathon runner's "runner's orgasm" that improves our health by lowering our stress hormone (cortisol) levels,
These include high blood pressure, immunosuppression, and insulin resistance.
Better Relationships
The researchers also determined that participating in successful sadomasochistic scenarios increases feelings of connection and intimacy with a partner. Sharing novel things triggers the brain's reward system and floods the brain with dopamine, according to brain scans of married couples, suggesting that trying to do novel things with a partner instead of the same routine can significantly increase intimacy.
3. How can I participate in BDSM?
The world of BDSM contains countless subcultures based on fetishes and political affiliation, as well as identities such as race, gender, and sexual orientation. How to get involved in this community?
A community formed around a common hobby is.
As with any other type of community, building a network of other BDSM players takes time and a willingness to put yourself into it. Use social media sites like Instagram and Twitter to find local snacks (a casual social gathering where kink get to know each other), classes and workshops, and bar BDSM-themed nights.
Negotiate with your partner - wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend.
In addition to the community, you can also negotiate with your partner to see if the other party is willing to participate in the activities you want, but please note that it must be based on the other party's willingness.
4. BDSM words/vocabularies you should know
Scenes
BDSM is a previously negotiated, planned, agreed, and communicated event. Basically, the scene is the main event, when all the talk is put into action. When setting up a scene, it takes a lot of time to plan to make sure everyone is comfortable.
Safeword
It is important to set up safe words in advance before the scene starts. This is very important for many reasons! A major reason is that the scenes can be very intense, and there can be tears and screams. And having safe words can make people feel truly safe knowing it leaves room for the intensity they want. It's also helpful for doms, so they know the limits of their sub.
Top and Bottom
As far as BDSM is concerned, Top is usually the one who plays the sadistic character. The bottom is usually the receiving end of all scenes - pain, humiliation.. Generally speaking, in a scenario, it's Bottom's job to appease Top (again, all this is agreed upon in advance, and safe words are ready and available).
Japanese Bondage
Shibari is the most popular way of bondage, one person using rope ties up the other one with a beautiful pattern. It’s a method of restraint/bondage, but also a magic art form.
Fetish
One of the most common fetishes out there -- a foot fetish is an attraction. Foot fetishists may enjoy working with a foot, like kissing it, smelling it, massaging it, getting a footjob, sucking on toes, or (actually) getting stepped on.
Aftercare
Due to the intense nature of BDSM, it is important to prioritize and check against each other. Aftercare is when the people involved taking some steps after the scene to clean up or treat the wound, then hug each other and talk, taking some time to talk to both parties. Aftercare isn't an option or recommendation - it's a must.
5. Step-by-step teaching guide for BDSM
1) Educate yourself.
The BDSM you see in movies (or porn) probably won't work for you because they tend to have some extremes for the sake of drama. It is recommended that you take a relevant professional class to understand the movements and scenarios you can play with your partner, and bring a sex therapist with you if needed, so you know exactly what you are doing.
2) Start with fantasy.
A lot of couples make the same mistake: they go to the sex store, get some toys, and when they come back, they don't fit, and they tell each other that they don't fit BDSM. Mind you, it's best to figure out what's sexy for you first, I suggest you read some BDSM stories with Game of Thrones themes or watch moral porn with BDSM to see what you might like.
3) Talk and exchange ideas.
Be honest and start a conversation about what you think, what excites you, and what your boundaries are. Because BDSM often involves surrendering control, trust and communication are everything. Be as specific as possible with your partner about what you want and don't want. For example, let them know if being blindfolded excites you, but handcuffs can make you anxious.
Likewise, if the other person tells you they never want to be a submissive character, listen to them. The two of you will be better able to negotiate and determine your limits to ensure you are comfortable throughout the process.
4) Select a scene.
Part of the BDSM game plan was picking a place to do it. That could be the hotel for your next vacation (where it might be easier to take advantage of different characters), a room reserved for Game of Thrones, or just your boring old bedroom. As long as it's a place you feel safe, you can go.
5) Come up with a safe word.
In order to ensure the effect, and not to cross each other's boundaries, please jointly decide on a word and say it when you are about to. It's recommended to choose something completely random that you wouldn't normally say in the bedroom, like "milkshake" or "turtleneck." Everything should stop as soon as you hear or say safe words.
6) Also check emotional safety.
This means asking your partner if they are comfortable. Try asking the other person "how are you?" Also, you'll want to check to make sure your partner is physically safe, and if you're tying them up, you should check the skin under the rope to make sure their blood circulation isn't being obstructed. If you've been hitting them, you'll want to check and make sure they're not under too much pressure.
7) Buy BDSM Toys.
BDSM is exciting on its own, but bringing toys and props can take the fun to the next level, Richmond says. Go to the sex store with your partner and let your imagination run wild. You may need restraint gear, chain nipple clamps, cock cages, butt plugs, or lube to help you better fit into your agreed-upon role.
8) Dress up.
Just as props and toys can bring out your dominant side or your masochistic side, dressing up characters can also help set the scene. For example, if you are submissive during the experience, you can try wearing a necklace—or a fox mask and tail—to show your willingness to obey your "master" during the experience.
9) Try BDSM activities separately.
The idea of trying BDSM can easily make you want to dive into everything ASAP. But instead of trying everything at once, we recommend trying one BDSM aspect at a time and "breaking your wildest fantasies into manageable pieces". For example, if you crave public sex, lots of props, spanking, and submission, try to incorporate only one of these into your regular rotation at a time. Because too much novelty at once can backfire, overwhelm your senses and intensify anxiety to the point.
10) Save time for the “aftercare.”
The post-experience conversation is as much a part of sexuality as the act itself, so please allow some time for this part. Often referred to as "the aftermath," this conversation is a way of asking your partner what they like best or what their favorite character is. The verbal intimacy and vulnerability expressed after the BDSM experience will strengthen your bond with your partner.
Overview:
1. What is BDSM?
2. Is BDSM healthy? -- 3 benefits from BDSM
3. How can I participate in BDSM?
4. BDSM words/vocabulary you should know.
5. Step-by-step teaching guide for BDSM
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