Do you get frustrated when you see fetish pictures of slim models wrapped in beautiful rope bondage? Tired of seeing only perfect porn stars with peachy asses and slim waists? Say no more! Fetishes are body positive and suitable for everyone, no matter what your shape or size. Victoria Bliss shares her experiences and body positive tips for overcoming body image issues and building self-esteem.
Being a BBW (and not looking good about your body image)
I have always been fat. The word is just a descriptor, not an insult. I used to think so, but growing up, I realized that it's the same as calling someone tall or skinny, and that labels can be used in both positive and negative ways. Call me whatever you want, big fat, plus size, curvy; those are all positive terms for me now, even though they weren't before.
Growing up, I hated my size. It seriously undermined my self-confidence. Whenever someone complimented me on my good looks, I could twist it into an insult. Whistling from strangers or a group of men didn't help boost my self-esteem either. Even after meeting my husband and confirming that he finds me sexy, I still lack confidence. It's hard to believe that I could ever become attractive.
Advertising permeates our daily lives, so even if you don't read magazines and newspapers like I do, you still see idealized images on TV, posters and the sides of buses. We are surrounded by Photoshopped images that force us to believe we need to buy this perfume or that designer outfit to become attractive. I object to this. You are already beautiful.
How Quirkiness Helped Me Build Self-Esteem and Be Positive About My Body
It was stepping into the world of quirks and fetishes that helped me build my self-esteem. I don't think I've ever experienced such a positive and supportive body community before. Attending large erotic markets and fetish fairs made me realize that people of all shapes and sizes can confidently wear whatever they want. For example, plus-size latex clothing really opened my eyes - I didn't know it existed before.
I was still very much an introvert at first and it took me a long time to start wearing more revealing clothes. As time went on, I received more compliments on my figure and my self-confidence grew. Then I realized I could wear whatever made me happy and doing so gave me confidence. When you believe in yourself, you will be happy with your body and your clothes - and other people will see that and react the same way. And you know, that's the key.
We all have parts we don't like. For me, that would be my back, because I have a couple of bulges. I've found that the pride of taking a beating and leaving a nice mark completely trumps the worry about my body. As I confidently displayed my beaten body, I realized that I was meant to be a beautiful canvas.
At my first kink event, I remained fairly reserved, marveling at the confidence of plus-size women who were topless and sometimes naked. It took me a while to become so free and relaxed. What helped me was having marks to show off. I was desperate to show off my cane-marked and bruised buttocks, and soon I even started showing off my back. “It may not happen overnight, but I'm sure you can boost your self-esteem and confidence, because if I can do it, anyone can!” - Victoria Bliss.
Tips for Staying Body Positive and Building Self-Esteem
Here are my top five body positivity tips for building self-esteem in the kink community.
1.Look at the people who attend kink events. I don't mean to look at them with my mouth wide open (that's a bit rude), but notice all the different body types around you. Remember, we are all different, but all uniquely beautiful in our own way.
2.Show off a little more. You don't have to take off all your clothes right away, but show off some tight, sexy lingerie , or wear a strapless dress to your next performance event.
3.Compliment others. Have you ever heard the saying “you get what you pay for”? Well, when you see something you like, tell that person. It can be as simple as telling someone you like their earrings or corset, but by giving positivity, you will be rewarded.
4.Praise yourself. Once you're used to sending positive messages to others, then try praising yourself. Look in the mirror and be kind to your own comments. Praise the good parts of yourself and be gentle with the other parts that are hard to love. Every little detail is part of what makes you sexy!
5.Flaunt those scars! Flaunt your scars, share photos of the wax on your back, embrace your sexy quirks, and share them with your fetish friends.