BDSM Aftercare Goes Beyond the Immediate Scene: New Ways to Care for Your Kinky Partner – Before and After the Scene
When we think of “taking care” of each other in kink, most people immediately think of sexual pleasure, cock worship, orgasms, spanking, bondage, and all the kinky fun we do with each other. Yes, satisfying your kinks is a great way to meet everyone’s needs, but it’s not just about sexual pleasure. Of course, you need BDSM aftercare after a kink marathon, but there’s more to it.
To have the energy, endurance, and desire for whatever kinks or fetishes you enjoy, we also need to take care of our health. This isn’t just an issue for Dominants or submissives; it's about human relationships regardless of the role you play in your kinky dynamic. Dominants and submissives can care for each other in simple ways.
Take Care of Your Mental Health
Not everyone is willing to admit that they have lingering mental worries. Maybe it’s unexplained panic attacks. Maybe your partner shows signs of depression, but it rarely appears in the form of sadness. Instead, it manifests as numbness, apathy, withdrawal, sleeping a lot, not sleeping at all, and many other symptoms. You might not know what's wrong, but they aren’t quite themselves.
When our minds are in turmoil and emotions feel out of control, there’s no shame in talking to a therapist or psychiatrist. Your partner isn’t “crazy,” and they don’t necessarily need a bunch of meds to make them “normal,” in case they’re worried about going insane. They might just need someone to talk to, to help them sort out what’s going on in their head.
See a Doctor
No one wants to go to the doctor (unless it’s for some kinky doctor role-play). You might have to pee in a cup. They might draw blood; needles might be fine when you’re being kinky (or not), but it’s different in a sterile lab environment. However, annual check-ups, screenings, and other exams are a way to keep you and your partner healthy and able to maintain your sexual desires for a long time.
Likewise, when your partner is sick and cold medicine isn’t working, they need to see a doctor too. They might need antibiotics or steroids to get rid of a nasty virus. When they protest, remind your partner that when they’re coughing or sneezing everywhere, you can’t enjoy kinky fun together. Ignoring this BDSM aftercare tip puts them at risk.
Healthy Eating and Exercise
Not long after my Dominant and I moved in together, we went through a period of over-relaxation. We ate everything delicious, and the only exercise was our wild sex and kinky scenes. There’s nothing wrong with that, but eventually, we couldn’t fit into our pants.
If either of you hates “dieting” or intense exercise, here’s something to make you feel a little better—you don’t have to fast or go on weird diets to be healthier. Adding more vegetables and fruits to your diet is great. Replacing soda with water is an option. Walking for 30 minutes is a form of exercise, especially if you’re usually sedentary. Best of all, these are things you can do together.
Get Enough Sleep
This atypical BDSM aftercare rule is one of the most important—nobody gets enough sleep these days. We wake up with our phones in hand and fall asleep staring at screens. Not only do we stagger through the day fueled by caffeine, but we also damage our health.
Going to bed early isn’t easy for most people. Parents have to take care of kids. Many work long hours and don’t want to give up their limited free time to sleep a little more. Sleep deprivation makes us sick. When I brought this up to my Dominant, one of the reasons I gave was that we need to go to bed earlier and get more sleep so we can have better, longer, and kinkier sex. And it worked—we’re sleeping more and enjoying more kinky fun.
Taking care of your kinky partner can take many forms. It’s not just about BDSM aftercare after sex. Additionally, whether you’re Dominant or submissive, we all play a role in our relationships. Taking time to focus on your partner’s health and well-being benefits both of you—whether in bed or out of it.